Im afraid

Im afraid of what would happen in the coming few days. Seems everything start to fall apart. The stresses, the panic in finding patient exam, the results forensics and ikm not going out yet, its all over my head. Plus, with the acms thingy yet. Haih. Sometimes i wish i've never take medic here. But its too late. Its too late.

I just want to get out of here. To get out of these situations. Im tired of the dramas, the problems. But then again, back home i'll face the same things. Probably even worse. I'm not excited to be here right now neither to finish it and be home. Im lost. Im really lost. In the end, its always just me alone facing the world.

Dear god, im really afraid. Im really afraid that i feel so lost. I dont even know what i want in life. Im lost. Help me.:'(

Hardwork and efforts, a life of a medical gal

When i was in high school, i always thought i'm one of the brilliant students. One of a kind. I don't need to study hard to achieve. Everything seems so easy. Everything seems like a perfect life, perfect family, stable financial, good grades, well not really pretty, but i do consider myself as easy on the eyes type, and great friends with an ok social life. I mean it was kind of a great life. I was enrolled in hostel since i was 13 years old, under government scholar school. The school fed us 6 times a day. Hehe
Then, something abruptly happened, i grew up. Maybe because i was dozing off in my daydream, i'm lost to see high school is finally over. I performed well in the national exam with straight A's. My parents were so happy back then. I actually cried 3 days after high school is over because i miss school life. Lame. My mother said, wow, u really loved ur school n friends. Oh well, what to do, I spent 5 years in hostel, rarely went home, that's d only life i knew.
Life became hell the moment I applied for medical course. Everything seems to fall out of places. Let me tell you, i never intended to be a doctor. But if that is my journey, my fate, i'll bear with it. In the medical interview before i was selected, the sponsor of my scholarship ask me why i want to be a doctor. I paused, i did not say i want to help people, i said because i want to join world health organization, so that i can help in war, natural disasters, i want to make a difference. And then i add, when i had enough, then i want to make money. Oh well, that money part pissed off the interviewer. Hey, im being honest. Then he said again, why should we pick u, i said because im unique and im determined.:b
I never thought i'll get it after my interview, but months later, i was called to pre-medical program. I am not happy. I really thought engineering would call first. But because my parents really have high hopes for me, so a doctor it is. Pre-med is my first step toward adult life. Here, i begin to know a lot of people attitude, how to be a hypocrite, how to hide your emotions either in anger, sadness or miserable. Here is where i learn that being smart but lazy does not work.
Being a doctor, u need to be work hard, put efforts, success does not comes rolling. I learnt that the hard way. One year of pre-med, my heart break into pieces so many times. There's time i cried a lot because the pressure is so high in maintaining the grades, the fear that the scholar will be taken from me. Back them i was offered 3 places, russia , indonesia and egypt. I chose indonesia. Do not ask me why, i had my reasons. At first i was promised to go to USU, but then i don't know what happened in the process, my contract was changed to UNHAS, makassar. At that moment, all i think about, damn, where the hell is that?
The first time i touch down on makassar, i remember how i hate being here. I keep getting diarrhea, im sick all the time, my stomach does not agree with the food, in conclude life is hard. Plus i do not have any transport, so must ride pete-pete or ojek. I cried everyday and did i mention to u, it was really hot here? 3 days after being here, i did something out of the blue. My hair at that time is really long. Suddenly i lose my patience, i take a scissor, went in front of the mirror, and i grab my hair and cut it. Like a boy's cut. After that i regret it. Pity my hair.
It took me a solid year to make me accept that i studied in makassar. That long huh. Well alhamdulillah, i make peace with it. At times life here is really hard, but it needs to go on right? Pejam celik pejam celik, its almost been 5 years dah. In a few months, i'll say goodbye to makassar for good. I don't know what to feel now. But all i can say, the bad events i take as an experiences, the happy events i take as a memory. There's a lot of experiences on makassar i do want to share, but i've got to study ortho now. So see u later? Ciao babe.:)
Ps:/ now if i did not study, i find myself stupid and dumb. Oh well, even i stufy, i felt like otak udang saja. Wawawawaaa.:'(

My resolution before turning 25 next year

1) Title : doctor suli
2) Starting salary : rm 4000 above
3) Weight : 49 kg
4) Skin : rosy white with absolutely no pimples.
5) Get a boyfriend
6) Tour europe
7) Umrah mekah & travel egypt
8) Work in putrajaya and buy tiny apartment there.

Fake eyelashes

The more i think about it, there's no harm in girls trying to be pretty. They want to look good, cosmetics, makeup including fake eyelashes. This fake eyelashes makes all the difference. They bring out your eye, make it comes to life. Check out mine.:).

I think im strong?

I think im strong. Maybe. Hehe. My pain receptor is high and from past experience it seems that i can tolerate pain in maximum level. There are many times that i thought that i could not get past it. But then i remember, every rain came a rainbow. That is totally how my life is. You dont know how hard my life is so u cant judge me. I've been through a lot except im good at showing fake laughs and smiles. Im good at covering my sadness. My madness and my angerness.
I always shows people what they want to see. Outside, i seem like a perfectly happy normal life. But then, who are u to judge that im happy? My life had a lot troubles that sometimes i knew u wouldnt last one day to be in my shoes. But the positive effect that i had from all of this is i became more independant, more trusting to myself, my decisions and my wisdom. I became strong and can bear more pain. Even at moments if u scream at me, it flows from left to right ear.
Maybe its from my childhood. My family used not to have money. We're kind of ghetto i guess back in the days. My brother used to beat me all the times. I used to have bruise that i always cover up saying i fell.I get my revenge by broking his nose. When i was 16, we still fought like kids over a remote control. He punch me in front of his friends and my face bled. I did something he never expected, i bite his arm and never let go. I could still taste the flesh and rip it off. U bled my face, i rip ur flesh. An eye for an eye. U ask me if people cud change? Let me tell u org baran never change, they just pretend to change.
Back in the days, i always cried in the bathroom, y owh dear lord, that i've been beaten like to death. Im little and i've no one i can trust. When i grew up a little more, there's always sadness that clouding my days. People trying to hurt me now and then.
Now i've realize, all those pain that god put me through is to prepare me for the coming future so that i can handle it, so that i can be strong. The past created my character as i am now. No matter how hard the situations is, there 's always an answer. My last note ro every gurls, if u feel u're being abused, dont be scared to stand up for what u believe in. The truth will always be the truth, no matter how hard people will make it on to you.

Scrub in operation with prof!

Hehe, today i felt like totally greys anatomy series. There is two plan operation this morning which consist of debulking and hyaterectomy total. It was different from my usual opearation that i was usually asked to assist on.
One patient is diagnosed with uterus tumor and the one is ovarium cancer advance stage wif appendisitis. And yeah, also did appendectomy. But whats surprising is that the appendix is 15 cm long!! God, that is totally weird and abnormal. Now i knew what my passion are, i want to be a surgeon. I dont care. All i knew is i love cutting up people and sewing them again. Hehehe. And yeah lots n lots of blood.. :)

Dating alone? 😌

Hehe, i was on duty in stella maris today, turned out there's actually no patient so i decide to skip and went out to dinner, Ballezza!!!! Hehe. It is new and improved, just open up today after construction. Very luxurious and a bit pricey. Guess what, im their first customer! Yey me. Hehe
When i was asked to be seated, they ask, for how many, i said alone, with a smug.:b and he said only 1? And i smiled again. Yes! What's wrong wif eating alone. These people are giving me strange looks. Hehe.
The waiter and waitress are so noce. They are proper, they keep saying please and thank you. The food was average. Not so much for me eyh, but i like the fact it feels like home. The place just remind me hotel resaurants in langkawi where me n family used to have dinner. Suddenly i feel homesick. Owh, its not a bad idea to have dinner alone here except for the stares. To all the couply doudly, u shud take ur gf here, pretty romantic wif the jazz going on, the wonderful service and did i tell u its beside the sea? Yeah, im watching sunset meanwhile eating. God, i love my life.:D

Ebits wed on 1 july

Yesterday, a dear fren of mine got married. She's one of my best frens and i'm really sad that i couldnt attend her wedding. I bet she's really georgeous on her dream day.
When we were in high school, we used to wonder, who's our husband, who's our prince charming. Congratulations dear ebit!! U've found your happily ever after. Be a good mithali wife. I'll meet u soon the moment i've got my holidays.
And don't forget!! Make many many beutiful baby like u and hire me to be ur doctor.:)
All the best ebit in ur marriage life beb! Muahx.

1st day hospital losari

Obgyn! This is my first time ever at this hospital. Throughout my clinical, i was never given here. So to said, this place is supposed to be heaven, less patients, sick place for rich people, luxurious. But when i came, the first thing that cross my mind is crap! I've had such a horrible morning.
Let me fill u in. I was driving to work which happens to be around 1 hour drive. So i get up at 5, have a bath and get ready. By 6, im already driving so i cud arrive at 7. BUT, the stupid dam road blocks all around the hospital due to some pasar pagi. I could not get near to the hospital. I spent another hour getting lost finding the right way becoz all the roads have been blocked. Pfffttttt.
Then, when i finally do arrive, i park my car. Came a doodlehead park his car so closely beside my car, and i meant hell close. He went out doodly. What an unconsiderate man whore. I have to get out from the passenger seat for god sake. Bringing my heavy bag, when i said heavy, it must be around 10 kg #medicalbooksismadeoutofstone. I walk like a turtle, trying to find the entrance. The security guards looks me up & down asking where I'm going. Hello, did u not see im wearing doctor's coat. God! Do u think im a kid trying to play doctor and sneak into private hospital? God, i just want to poke his eyes out. And guess what, in the big hospital, i was expected to find my room and ask around for the key. God almighty, im losing my patience.
Ok! Now i've got the key, found the goddamn room that looks like a haunted house. Men, y do u have to put my room behind some big mary jesus statue? It scares me. Owh, i spent another 15 minutes trying to unlock the goddamn door. Turns out the key is a bit tricky. My pants is on fire. Even my underwear is on fire! After some kicking and cursing, the door open. Lord, protect me from this place. Im damn scared.

My last day at maros

Today is the last day. The nurses is all like, come on doc, photo dulu. I felt like an artist.:b. then, my senior doctor ask the chief to come to her room, so i went, i thought, damnnn, did i do something wrong. Turns out she wanted to give two box of brownies to me, choclate and blueberry. Yummy. Tq doc for the food. Then my colleugue invited me to go eat something called bakso setan. What a sensational piece. Wow, what a journey in hospital maros. Apart that i found strange experiences, i found friendship and new great foods.:)

A new beginning

To tell the truth, im always scared of being left alone, and i doesnt mean methaporically, i mean literally. I am always afraid of sleeping alone, eating alone and there are times i'm afraid going to the bathroom alone. There is always somebody that needs to be at my side. Its just before this i cant bear the feeling of loneliness and dependant. Im tired of people squawking how inmature i am, because u know what, u r not perfect yourself so stop highlighting my flaws.
When I first entered obgyn alone without my usual friends, i feel scared. I thought at that moment Im going to die but im not sure of what. Im not sure of everything. But life has to go on right. Alhamdulillah, thankful to him, i realize how strong and independant i am. I now trust my own decision, and when being strong is the only option u have, u realize how potential u are. The only person u can trust is yourself and patience is your best friends.
Its quite a journey what i finds alone, i've met so many great people which i found friendship in them. Some of them open my eyes to the reality of life. Life is just not sugar and candy anymore, its bitter and sorrow, but thats what makes life an adventure.
I met someone so nice, so patience, and really considerate. Watching her, made me want to be a good person too. I knew i made lots of mistakes in the past, and knowing that a lot is judging, and i understand. I dont blame them. All of us are humans. From this day onwards, i want to be a good person, a good islam. I finally found my peace and calm. Its true what they said, the closer u are to allah, the more happiness u felt. But what i wont change is, i'll still act like a kid, fact is i love the way i am, because that is what i am. Doesnt mean i have to grow up to be a good person. Everyone has a kid inside them, except i decide to embrace it.

I am fighting every single day!

strangers

I don't know what we are..

Sometimes I feel like we're friends..

  

Sometimes I feel like we're more than friends..

 

but sometimes........................................

I feel like a stranger to you....

starts with a fight

trying to stop it

ends up a total stranger..

 Everyone's dream girl 

Everyone dream's girl

Not long ago, I watched a korean series. I forgot the title, but the storyline really captures my attention . As usual, it started out with an ordinary girl in high school who was really plain girl , had none speciality, which we could say is a simpleton . She had a crush on this guy, who is absolutely perfect in every way from the view of her eyes. He was cute, nice and her fantasy prince charming . She's really into him , and we could say, she's head over heels for this guy, it's maybe love. But she realizes she's not really pretty, she's not that popular in school and maybe he doesn't even realizes she exists. Do you know what she said to herself? 
" I want him to know that I exist. If I want someone perfect, I need to be perfect myself."
So, after that little by little, she changed her appearance first. She said to herself, I want to have the ideal body. She strikes on diet, jogs and exercises a lot until she's satisfied with her body.. That moment, boys started to notice her , but her dream guy still doesn't even look her way. Then, she decided to have a fair skin, and believe it or not, after a tremendous effort, she succeed in having a fair and flawless skin.. By then, a lot came for her love, but still a no-no from her dream guy. He stills ignored her. He still doesn't notice her..
So, she took the quickest way to save her heart, by packing her schedule with studying so she could be busy and be smart.. Soon, she forgot about her prince charming and goes on with her life. Because she passed examinations with flying colours and she studied really hard, by 25 she's a successful confidence women, on top of the world!
Guess whom she accidentally met? Her long lost prince charming.. Because of the right timing, the right chemistry and fate, they fall in love. Now, he really has returned her love. After lots of efforts and sacrifices, she got her prince charming.. 
What a fairytale..but still, I wish it is my fairytale. I wish I could have that happy ending.. One's can still hope, don't they?

Annoying Flite Journey

Cish.sudahla i feel berat hati nk blk indonesia , to top it off, my flight was not smooth . First, nobody comment how i look in new style tudung. I bet if anyone else yg pakai, everybody cannot wait to comment.haish,maybe it doesn't looks good on me!
Then, i got on the plane, my seat is 26b,which is fine by me, TAPI there's some oldster sitting in my seat. He asked me to seat somewhere else yang kosong, i was like "okay..". I went on searching n searching, so i found a spot next to oldsters gak, i don't mind pon actually. So i quickly take my place. But as u know, one people start changing seat, it will actually create chaotic to the other seats. Now all the passengers around me are confused.haish, after a moment, barulah everything sorted out. As usual, i want to take a nap during my journey, but this oldster beside me kept chatting me up. I am totally not in the mood, but the lady won't take the hints. God, i have to sit there and listen to her neighing, on and on, plastering fake smiles all over my plastic face. I sat next to the aisle. The other lady sitting beside the window kept asking me to stand up so she could go to the loo. Oish,be calm dear ain...
Then the stewardess came asking malaysia or indonesia, they want to give a boarding card or whatever they call it. I don't need to fill it coz im a student, but the oldsters around me do need to fill it. You can guess what happens next. I almost got my eyes to close, then came the voice, can you fill it for us? Damn, not one, but FOUR! Ok, honestly, i'm sincerely honest to be helping them out, but gimme a time out ok. I'm not that good hearted~busted! I'm a girl and i have mood swings right now, as nowadays call it pms.
It just doesn't stop there, my booked nasi lemak came along. Air asia policy, booked online foods are served first. The oldster make such a fuss why they couldn't buy the food yet. Owh dear oldster, did u know the meaning of patience?so in the end, i had to explain to them from A to Z. To make it worse, bcoz my food came first, they kept watching me eating and asking lots of questions. Dear Lord!
After lots and lots and lots of moments passed by which seems like million of decades, the oldsters shut up and fell asleep. Now, i cannot sleep bcoz i am damn annoyed already and complaining it into my blog.

Teka-teki Sepanjang Zaman Sekolah

Teka-teki #1
S : Antara banyak2 binatang, binatang apa paling besar?
J : Ikan paus goreng tepung.

Teka-teki #2
S: Bulan bin apa?
J : Bulan bin-tang

Teka-teki #3
S: Kad apa yang pakai spek?
J : Kad-duk (nama member yang pakai spek)

Teka-teki #3
S: Ada seorang ibu melahirkan anak kembar. Waktu diorang ngah minum susu ibunya, baby yang sebelah kiri berlagak dengan baby yang menyusu di sebelah kanan. "Aku punya susu perisa strawberry, ko punya x sedap,perisa coklat!" jadi baby yang menyusu sebelah kanan pom benganglah. sebelum tidur, baby perisa coklat letak racun kat susu ibu yang perisa strawberri. Agak2, pagi tu, sapa yg mati?
J : Bapak diorang.

Teka-teki #4
S : Ada 3 ekor babi nak melintas sungai. Sungai tu plak ada 3 ekor buaya. Babi pertama lalu kena makan ngn buaya pertama. Babi ke-2 lalu kena makan ngan buaya ke-2, kenapa babi ke-3 lalu x kena mkn ngn buaya ke-3?
J : Buaya tu cakap, tak boley makan ni.ak islam!

Teka-teki #4
S: Ada 3 ekor babi nak melintas sungai, tapi sungai tu penuh dengan buaya yang suka makan teloq babi. Babi pertama dan kedua melintas sungai, dua2 teloq kna makan ngn buaya. kenapa babi ke-3, teloq dia selamat?
J : Dia melintas sungai dengan gaya renang kuaq-lentang.

Teka-teki #5
S : Bas apa yang paling tinggi?
J : Bas gunung

Teka-teki #6
S : Kenapa perempuan xley duduk tempat sejuk?
J : Nanti jadi keju

Teki- teki #7
S : Kenapa lelaki xley berenang kat laut?
J : Nanti jadi telor masin

Teka-teki #8
S: ada 3 orang perempuan makan es krem, yang pertama makan sambil menjilat es krem, yg kedua sambil imut2 es krem, yg ke-3 sambil geget es krem" agak2 yang mana da kawen?
J : choose 1 between the 3 answers.
S : I like how u think, tp tengok la sape yg pakai cincin (kantoi otak kotoq)

Teka-teki #9
S : Jam apa yang paling busuk?
J : Jamban

Teka-teki #10
S : Binatang apa paling pelik?
J : Belalang kupu2. siang makan nasi, malam minum susu.

Teka-teki #10
S: Susu kalau terbalik jadi apa?
J : Tumpah ar
S: Salah, usus ar...

S : Susu kalau terbalik jadi apa?
J: Usus!
S : apa la ang ni..tumpah la
J: ???????
(ikut suka, yg penting, org yg mnjawab sentiasa salah)

Teka-teki #11
S : Apa persamaan gajah dan tiang letrik?
J : Sama-sama xley terbang

Teka-teki #12
S : Kodok apa yang bisa mati tanpa disentuh?
J : Kodoakan kau cepat mati...

Teka-teki #13
S : Apa beza orang kurus dan orang gemuk?
J : Orang kurus makan hati, orang gemuk makantempat

Teka-teki #14
S : Hitam dan berpeluh. Menatang apa tu?
J : Semut hitam yang ngah berjogging

Teka-teki #15
S : Dalam banyak2 kera, kera apa yang pandai menaip?
J : Kerani

Teka-teki #16
S : Scorpion kaler ape?
J : Kala jengking la

Teka-teki #17
S : Benda apa yang paling besar di dunia?
J : Kuali untuk goreng ikan paus/

Teka-teki #18
S : Banyak2 bas, bas pa ja yg pandai?
J : bas sekolah la..dia ja p sekolah

Teka-teki #19
S : Kenapa anjing kencing angkat dua kaki?
J : satgi kalo angkat 2 kaki jatuh la dia

Teka-teki #20
S : Gajah lalu patah titi, semut lalu patah apa?
J : patah balik r

And on and so on..Lupa banyak lagi teka-teki yang suka dok men tyme mrsm, acms and unhas. Pokoknya tyme sekolah la.=))))

HOME!!my sweet langkawi~

As I'm writing this, I feel glee all over my stomach. I can't wait! I just finished my psychiatry test today with dr hawaidah, Specialist of Jiwa (Ketua). My exam with her was smooth ( I guess). The patient I presented during my test is diagnosed as Schizophrenia Paranoid. Well, it was a fun exam and maybe the outcome is pretty good. crossed my fingers. Y(^_^)Y

This is my ticket flights, returned tickets!Malaysia, here I come.oh. I miss u.

Confirmation Number:	M6SZNM	Agent Name:	WEBANONYMOUS
Booking Date:	Thu 24 Mar 2011	Booked By:	INET

Passenger Information:
Name	Customer Number	Flight #/Seat #
MS AIN NURSALLI ZABUDIN		AK 587/NA AK 586/NA

Flight Information:
Date	Flt	Depart		Arrive		Stops
Sun 27 Mar 2011	AK 587	UPG (UPG)	17:30	KUL (KUL)	20:45	0
Wed 06 Apr 2011	AK 586	KUL (KUL)	13:40	UPG (UPG)	16:50	0

Thanks ayah for ordering my favourite meal on the plane.It's like food theraphy.*wink2*

Pre order nasi lemak please!

Sunday night,Arrive at LCCT 20.45, Along will pick me up and have dinner with her.Tq along for supporting my ticket from KL to kedah. I'll pay you back with my love.=).oooohh, can I choose where to dine tonight?

I'm craving for mc donalds!!!lots and lots of carbs. I don't care. The dinner is on you because I still haven't spend your money yet since u start working kot!!!! Its payback tyme.

 

 

 

 

 

 Hopefully, I'll arive at alor star during monday morning to meet up with my youngest sister and brother. (Please do wake up early and pick me up ok. Don't make me wait up for u guys.=D). Seronoknye dapat berkubang balik dlm sarang! I miss my home, I miss my sisters, my brother and most of all I miss my mom an dad! Sangat homesick. yeyey. x sabar!!! ( korang da beli kan my burfday present?)

me, along,ayah, mama,abang, adek

I also miss my cats.Tom & amy, I hope they can still remember me! Mommy's coming home baby!

Hello! My name is Tom.mmmeeeoowww. Apparently photo of amy is missing. FYI, amy is my girlfriend. We're trying to get pregnant since forever. She just had her miscarriages months ago.='(

The next morning, I'm off to Langkawi to cuddle with my parents. Oh sweet home Langkawi. That place is a single drop from of heaven! and I'm not lying!

welcome to Langkawi! Island of free taxes!

I can't wait to have dinner buffet all you can eat seafood!yummy~ Fresh from the sea! The best I must say.

Absolute favorite of mine. A must have dish at Garden restaurant. Two thumbs up! 

Last but not least, I hope I'm able to meet all my families, my cousins and my friends during 10 days of my holidays because sadly I'm not able to come home this year hari raya! So siap-siap rasa balik nie untuk raya. Do make your time to hang out with me!xoxo. See u guys in 3 days!bye~

Marriage!

Case #1 : Wedding Preparation Guide lines

Announcement:It is the responsibility of the bride's family to announce the wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should include: A photograph of the bride (A high school yearbook picture is acceptable); Name of the groom, education completed by both bride and groom (do not include elementary school, unless that was the terminal degree.); current employment and planned residence after the ceremony (If living with the bride's parents, it is not necessary to specify where in the house you will reside).

Invitations:Since you are having a planned wedding and you are expecting a lot of free stuff, you must send out invitations! They do not have to be lengthy. Something like "You are invited to watch John Smith and Jennifer Johnson make it legal on March 14, 2000." will suffice nicely. If you don't want to be so formal, you can always run down to the local bar and yell "If you aint doing nothin' on the 14th of March, why don't you stop by my house for a cold one about 2 o'clock. Me and Jennifer's having some friends over to watch the ball game and witness our weddin'."

Proper attire: For the bride, the key words are "be conservative." No matter how good it may look, refrain from wedding outfits made with spandex or adorned with fringe. Excessive slits and dips also are frowned upon. This is not the occasion to show the world how big "they" are. For the groom, a rented tuxedo is haute courture, but if it means the difference between going on a honeymoon and staying home, concider some alternatives. For example, a leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean work shirt can create a natty appearence. And though possibly uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

The ceremony: No matter how urgent the event, loaded weapons have no place at the alter. At the point in the ceremony that says, "If anybody has any reason why these two should no be joined in holy matrimony..." tell the preacher not to pause too long, old flames sometimes die hard and talk too much.

Reception: Remember to reserve the UAW hall far in advance, and avoid Saturdays, since that's bingo night. It is perfectly acceptable to ask guests to wipe their feet before entering the hall. After all the cleaning deposit can be the difference between an oil change and a full tune-up for the car. When dancing never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is!

Case #2

Hah! Why does when I reach this age, people keep talking about that? Is it really old that you are 23 and still single? To all the aunties and uncles out there, and to my parents, it's not like I'm not getting marry ever. Just gimme time, I'm sure I'll find the right person to say 'I DO!'. I know mostly in Kedah, girls my age are already lining up to be married, already married or expecting a child. Heck, some even already had children the size of a football team. Even my friends from my hometown, my cousins or my siblings, they either have a very super steady relationship, engaged, married or already a mom. Some of them are even younger than me! (that freaks me out). Congratulations to them, they have found their partner in life and succeed in finding their fairytale. Which is why sometimes I envy them because my fairytale doesn't even been written yet. It is still a closed book.

In a few days time, I'll be home in Malaysia. I feel at the top of the mountain now, happiness to the max if you can imagine because I miss my family so much. But, at the same time, I already feel the tension buzzing around. I know the moment I arrived, I'll be raining with lots of questions, which sometimes I don't even have time to breath to answer. Is it really a must question, or in fact the first question for everyone to ask whether I have boyfriend or not. How about, how's your life there? Did you save any patient but NOOOO...they have to butt into my personal life and makes me feel horrible about myself. If I officially has a relationship people, I'll be wearing a ring and don't sweat it, I'm surely will tell on my own.

Case 3 #

This always happened during my holidays. But this one happens recently, by meaning, during my last holiday. Maybe last year. My parents invited me to dinner with them and their friends ( I forgot on what occasion). So, I did. We dine at Hotel Bayview Langkawi. It's a buffet and all you can eat. Fantastic, I love malaysian foods and I can't get enough of it. So, I put a lot of foods on my plates, singing to myself yummy yummy yummy for my tummy. The moment I sat, getting ready to eat...

mrs x : Ni..auntie nak tanya cek oi..ain kan...

ain : Ye auntie (letak balik sudu and focus pada auntie)

mrs x : Cek ni umoq brapa dah..

ain : oo..umoq da msk 22 auntie..huhu

mrs x: blajaq medik ka...da thn berapa?

ain : br nk msk thn 4 auntie..lambat lg nak abeh.

mrs x : ni cek ada boipren ka...kawan spesial ka..(my mum tersedak)

ain : (sengih kambin....)ooo.xdak kot auntie..

mrs x: ni makcik nk habaq noo, mengaji2 gak, cek jgn dok p lupa carik satgy umoq da tua, dok xdak orang lagi..blaaa..bla...bla....bla...serangan leter dr my mum, and all the aunties from my table.

ain : sengih kambin lagi...(teros x lalu nk makan)

It's not the first time it happened, and I know they said that for my own goods. But sometimes, I wish that they understand, it's not easy to find someone just like that.If it's easy like baking a pie, then I would have hundreds by now.haha

A bit disappointed...

As the saying goes, expect less so u'll be happier. Expect more, u'll be disappointed. That's what happened to me. Lately, I'm a bit excited that I finally found my playmates back when I was toddlers. I didn't know what triggered me, but I had the nerves to hunt down each one of them that had made a bittersweet memory to me. The more busier I get at work, the more I miss my childhood days. Moving back to my old place flashed back all the memories, it's like a movie running inside my head. I wish I had either stop or pause button, or the better delete button. Sometimes, I'm a bit irritated of myself, that I remember everything, whilst the other hardly do. I doesn't mind at all, its just....I'm just a bit disappointed. I wish I'm not that forgettable because I really do want them to remember me as well as I do. Maybe, their presence gave an effect in my life whilst the presence of mine is just a wind blowing by. Trust me, if I can easily forget, I would love to, but sadly there's no delete button in my long term external memory. At last, this memory will not be a memory at all because only me remember it. People will say its just your delusion. In many many people god, why did u choose me to remember every little detail things back in my days. To this day, I can still recall the words my mother have said to me back when I was little ( mind you, she doesn't even remember saying it or spank me). I can still recall the name of my cats I had when I was 3 years old. I still remember my first friend ever back when I was 2 years old, and I can still describe her precisely. If u put her in front of me, even after many years I never met her, I would still be able to recognize it's her. That's creepy and now I feel all weird out. Some memories are meant to be forgotten, but mine was all bottled up. The boy that I feel I'm closest with back when I'm little had a hard time placing me, and to tell the truth, I'm quite bummed out. Supposedly I have to be like that. It is rare for people to recall everything during their childhood unless they have a very traumatic experience. But I don't! My childhood was perfect, as it should be. At the age of 4, I could still remember peeping my nanny kissing her boyfriend (my parents are busy all the time). I still remember all the fights between my siblings (I don't get it, get this...they don't even remember it). How did all my family forget that my dad had run down my teeny weeny bike, back when I was 3 years old? My parents forget the first word that I ever spelled, but I do and I could still remember the way I spelled it!and I dunno why????
When I start the word, Hey guys, I miss those times.. Did u remember...bla..bla...bla...? They was like,.. reallY?no?Maybe?.....then I was like Yeah..u're with me, that's how things bla..bla..bla....and they was like, noo..I can't remember it that well...
Is it just weird or that I am weird???Brain, please stop synaptic and stop communicating it all the things to long term memory. U know, there's still lots of space in the short term memory. Brain, please, I am begging you to follow this advice. If you don't, ur best friend heart will bear the disappointment. And she is fragile at this point. She would really like you to be her protector now.

THE ULTIMATE PRANKS EVER.

Last night, one of our own friends decided to write his own death certificate. He chose 7.30 pm, hari Khamis, malam jumaat as his timing of death, which by the way, when I first heard it, I said to myself 'at least die mati malam jumaat, semoga die deletakkan dalam golongan yang beriman'. Precisely at 18.54, Friday,a message came through my inbox while I was sleeping soundly (like always), because I'm exhausted from dinas at psychiatry. Beep, beep while playing the song Baby I love you, I opened my eyes and flipped open my handphone, and this is how the message goes (bear in mind, I'm still in fuzzly state):

Assalamualaikum w.b.t dukacita disampaikan
kepada yang mengenali XXXXXX, dia telah kembali ke 
rahmatullah kelamarin 7.30 pm akibat denggi...kami 
mewakili XXXXXX memohon sebesar2 kemaafan
jika ada kesilapan semoga ditempatkan di kalangan 
orang beriman, -tolong forward- xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx,
abg arwah. Kalau arwah pernah berhutang pada sesiapa 
sebelum ini, harap bagitaw...

Actually, I'm still in fuzzly state, mamai2 lagi, and in my mind, I thought his family died, not him and tak sempat habes baca mesej lagi, my phone rings, "The simpsons"....

Caller : Ain...taw x?
Ain : Taw ape?
caller : mr x, die meninggal!
ain : hah! Ya allah, r u serious?
caller : la...ain x tawu ker
ain : ain br je bke msg, x sempat bce lg. I thought family die yg meninggal.omg, sedeynye..
caller : tu la, terkejut gile
ain : mekaseh btaw, xpela ain nk smbg bce msg blk.

So I reread back the msg, and pause for a while.. (mengelamun), he is still young, lots of things to hope for, I feel quite shock and sad for a while. I knew this guy!

I went into eiji's room, eiji! wake up! someone just died!
what???she's still half asleep..
WAKE UP!mr x just died..
Langsung terbukak mata luas2..
KO BIAR BETUL!TAKKAN LA KOT!
I am damn serious, try read the msg
There, you got it also!

Then, we both remain silent for a while, lot of messages coming in. He is all over the news especially in facebook. His classmates is crying for him, thinking they didn't even have the last words to say to him. Messages from PKPMI asking me if it was true, and I, in a very emotional state said yes. He is gone due to Dengue. All of us kept saying, it can't be. How can in Malaysia, people died of dengue. I thought the treatments there are faster and efficient. And why does he did not know the symptoms, he's a medic student for god sake.
Many cried, especially the closest to him. One, even dedicated a blog to him. It was really touching when I first read it. Many left their dinners, things that they're doing, just to gather and baca yasin untuk arwah. His friends from all over called his roommate and cried, asking if it was true. One even had an exam tomorrow, I could feel that he must be really sad. I even message condolences to his brother in law for god sake!it was a very gloomy atmosphere at the moment. I heard, one of his friends is already planning to buy ticket flights to malaysia to see his family. All of us still can't believe it, and we hope it wasnt true and yada, yada, yada...
Nor any of us know that we just got our wish in any moments now..

Tiba-tiba......Beep2
Korang, die x meninggal pon. Hah, ko ni, mane satu..Jangan main-main dow...
Betol...Die tipu jek, diorang da call parents die da..
Lah, pulak..(kitorang da gelak2)
X gune pnye budak, buat penat sedey jek, baek ak tidor

He had some nerves. It's just a fake news not by others, but by the owner itself. Apparently, someone has friend, who is friend with his friend hometown ( I guess that's how the story goes). Confirming that he is healthy and alive. They called his mother, his mother said yes, he had dengue, but now he is cured and healthy. She just sends him to the bus station. OMG, all of just got punked!

Phew..now there's some damage control to do, to un-death him to those that we've passed on the news. Today is a modern technology, communication are faster and we obviously cannot beat it. The news is already spread around Malaysia and Indonesia. There's still a few did not even know that he is still alive. Of course, news travel fast and it needs some time to undo it.

This morning even many did not know. One still came and said condolences. Some are still confused by messages whether he' alive or not. They are not sure which one is true. Up 'till now, the messages is still in sending mode. People, he's alive. Believe the latest news.

Boy, u sure raise chaotic, lots of people involve. It may sounds funny to u, but not to others who actually care for u. The funny thing is, in the midst of the crisis, I also heard somebody else died, mr D. One of our friends also. Wow, tak cukup berita seorang meninggal, nak tambah lagi satu. That was funny, macam mane la boley pi tambah org len pulak meninggal. What a funny weird world as I'm smiling to myself.

The good thing is, today, none of the people I knew died, and I was relief. We are young, still lots of hope to go on, expectations from family and yada..yada..yada..Just hope you think deeply before you pull someone leg. You never know what might happens.

Okeyh.gotta go study now. there's no way I'm wasting my time blabbing more in my blog. Hopefully all had been cleared, and people, stay alive. It's such a grieve when someone you know died!tata~