Hardwork and efforts, a life of a medical gal

When i was in high school, i always thought i'm one of the brilliant students. One of a kind. I don't need to study hard to achieve. Everything seems so easy. Everything seems like a perfect life, perfect family, stable financial, good grades, well not really pretty, but i do consider myself as easy on the eyes type, and great friends with an ok social life. I mean it was kind of a great life. I was enrolled in hostel since i was 13 years old, under government scholar school. The school fed us 6 times a day. Hehe
Then, something abruptly happened, i grew up. Maybe because i was dozing off in my daydream, i'm lost to see high school is finally over. I performed well in the national exam with straight A's. My parents were so happy back then. I actually cried 3 days after high school is over because i miss school life. Lame. My mother said, wow, u really loved ur school n friends. Oh well, what to do, I spent 5 years in hostel, rarely went home, that's d only life i knew.
Life became hell the moment I applied for medical course. Everything seems to fall out of places. Let me tell you, i never intended to be a doctor. But if that is my journey, my fate, i'll bear with it. In the medical interview before i was selected, the sponsor of my scholarship ask me why i want to be a doctor. I paused, i did not say i want to help people, i said because i want to join world health organization, so that i can help in war, natural disasters, i want to make a difference. And then i add, when i had enough, then i want to make money. Oh well, that money part pissed off the interviewer. Hey, im being honest. Then he said again, why should we pick u, i said because im unique and im determined.:b
I never thought i'll get it after my interview, but months later, i was called to pre-medical program. I am not happy. I really thought engineering would call first. But because my parents really have high hopes for me, so a doctor it is. Pre-med is my first step toward adult life. Here, i begin to know a lot of people attitude, how to be a hypocrite, how to hide your emotions either in anger, sadness or miserable. Here is where i learn that being smart but lazy does not work.
Being a doctor, u need to be work hard, put efforts, success does not comes rolling. I learnt that the hard way. One year of pre-med, my heart break into pieces so many times. There's time i cried a lot because the pressure is so high in maintaining the grades, the fear that the scholar will be taken from me. Back them i was offered 3 places, russia , indonesia and egypt. I chose indonesia. Do not ask me why, i had my reasons. At first i was promised to go to USU, but then i don't know what happened in the process, my contract was changed to UNHAS, makassar. At that moment, all i think about, damn, where the hell is that?
The first time i touch down on makassar, i remember how i hate being here. I keep getting diarrhea, im sick all the time, my stomach does not agree with the food, in conclude life is hard. Plus i do not have any transport, so must ride pete-pete or ojek. I cried everyday and did i mention to u, it was really hot here? 3 days after being here, i did something out of the blue. My hair at that time is really long. Suddenly i lose my patience, i take a scissor, went in front of the mirror, and i grab my hair and cut it. Like a boy's cut. After that i regret it. Pity my hair.
It took me a solid year to make me accept that i studied in makassar. That long huh. Well alhamdulillah, i make peace with it. At times life here is really hard, but it needs to go on right? Pejam celik pejam celik, its almost been 5 years dah. In a few months, i'll say goodbye to makassar for good. I don't know what to feel now. But all i can say, the bad events i take as an experiences, the happy events i take as a memory. There's a lot of experiences on makassar i do want to share, but i've got to study ortho now. So see u later? Ciao babe.:)
Ps:/ now if i did not study, i find myself stupid and dumb. Oh well, even i stufy, i felt like otak udang saja. Wawawawaaa.:'(

My resolution before turning 25 next year

1) Title : doctor suli
2) Starting salary : rm 4000 above
3) Weight : 49 kg
4) Skin : rosy white with absolutely no pimples.
5) Get a boyfriend
6) Tour europe
7) Umrah mekah & travel egypt
8) Work in putrajaya and buy tiny apartment there.

Fake eyelashes

The more i think about it, there's no harm in girls trying to be pretty. They want to look good, cosmetics, makeup including fake eyelashes. This fake eyelashes makes all the difference. They bring out your eye, make it comes to life. Check out mine.:).

I think im strong?

I think im strong. Maybe. Hehe. My pain receptor is high and from past experience it seems that i can tolerate pain in maximum level. There are many times that i thought that i could not get past it. But then i remember, every rain came a rainbow. That is totally how my life is. You dont know how hard my life is so u cant judge me. I've been through a lot except im good at showing fake laughs and smiles. Im good at covering my sadness. My madness and my angerness.
I always shows people what they want to see. Outside, i seem like a perfectly happy normal life. But then, who are u to judge that im happy? My life had a lot troubles that sometimes i knew u wouldnt last one day to be in my shoes. But the positive effect that i had from all of this is i became more independant, more trusting to myself, my decisions and my wisdom. I became strong and can bear more pain. Even at moments if u scream at me, it flows from left to right ear.
Maybe its from my childhood. My family used not to have money. We're kind of ghetto i guess back in the days. My brother used to beat me all the times. I used to have bruise that i always cover up saying i fell.I get my revenge by broking his nose. When i was 16, we still fought like kids over a remote control. He punch me in front of his friends and my face bled. I did something he never expected, i bite his arm and never let go. I could still taste the flesh and rip it off. U bled my face, i rip ur flesh. An eye for an eye. U ask me if people cud change? Let me tell u org baran never change, they just pretend to change.
Back in the days, i always cried in the bathroom, y owh dear lord, that i've been beaten like to death. Im little and i've no one i can trust. When i grew up a little more, there's always sadness that clouding my days. People trying to hurt me now and then.
Now i've realize, all those pain that god put me through is to prepare me for the coming future so that i can handle it, so that i can be strong. The past created my character as i am now. No matter how hard the situations is, there 's always an answer. My last note ro every gurls, if u feel u're being abused, dont be scared to stand up for what u believe in. The truth will always be the truth, no matter how hard people will make it on to you.

Scrub in operation with prof!

Hehe, today i felt like totally greys anatomy series. There is two plan operation this morning which consist of debulking and hyaterectomy total. It was different from my usual opearation that i was usually asked to assist on.
One patient is diagnosed with uterus tumor and the one is ovarium cancer advance stage wif appendisitis. And yeah, also did appendectomy. But whats surprising is that the appendix is 15 cm long!! God, that is totally weird and abnormal. Now i knew what my passion are, i want to be a surgeon. I dont care. All i knew is i love cutting up people and sewing them again. Hehehe. And yeah lots n lots of blood.. :)

Dating alone? 😌

Hehe, i was on duty in stella maris today, turned out there's actually no patient so i decide to skip and went out to dinner, Ballezza!!!! Hehe. It is new and improved, just open up today after construction. Very luxurious and a bit pricey. Guess what, im their first customer! Yey me. Hehe
When i was asked to be seated, they ask, for how many, i said alone, with a smug.:b and he said only 1? And i smiled again. Yes! What's wrong wif eating alone. These people are giving me strange looks. Hehe.
The waiter and waitress are so noce. They are proper, they keep saying please and thank you. The food was average. Not so much for me eyh, but i like the fact it feels like home. The place just remind me hotel resaurants in langkawi where me n family used to have dinner. Suddenly i feel homesick. Owh, its not a bad idea to have dinner alone here except for the stares. To all the couply doudly, u shud take ur gf here, pretty romantic wif the jazz going on, the wonderful service and did i tell u its beside the sea? Yeah, im watching sunset meanwhile eating. God, i love my life.:D

Ebits wed on 1 july

Yesterday, a dear fren of mine got married. She's one of my best frens and i'm really sad that i couldnt attend her wedding. I bet she's really georgeous on her dream day.
When we were in high school, we used to wonder, who's our husband, who's our prince charming. Congratulations dear ebit!! U've found your happily ever after. Be a good mithali wife. I'll meet u soon the moment i've got my holidays.
And don't forget!! Make many many beutiful baby like u and hire me to be ur doctor.:)
All the best ebit in ur marriage life beb! Muahx.

1st day hospital losari

Obgyn! This is my first time ever at this hospital. Throughout my clinical, i was never given here. So to said, this place is supposed to be heaven, less patients, sick place for rich people, luxurious. But when i came, the first thing that cross my mind is crap! I've had such a horrible morning.
Let me fill u in. I was driving to work which happens to be around 1 hour drive. So i get up at 5, have a bath and get ready. By 6, im already driving so i cud arrive at 7. BUT, the stupid dam road blocks all around the hospital due to some pasar pagi. I could not get near to the hospital. I spent another hour getting lost finding the right way becoz all the roads have been blocked. Pfffttttt.
Then, when i finally do arrive, i park my car. Came a doodlehead park his car so closely beside my car, and i meant hell close. He went out doodly. What an unconsiderate man whore. I have to get out from the passenger seat for god sake. Bringing my heavy bag, when i said heavy, it must be around 10 kg #medicalbooksismadeoutofstone. I walk like a turtle, trying to find the entrance. The security guards looks me up & down asking where I'm going. Hello, did u not see im wearing doctor's coat. God! Do u think im a kid trying to play doctor and sneak into private hospital? God, i just want to poke his eyes out. And guess what, in the big hospital, i was expected to find my room and ask around for the key. God almighty, im losing my patience.
Ok! Now i've got the key, found the goddamn room that looks like a haunted house. Men, y do u have to put my room behind some big mary jesus statue? It scares me. Owh, i spent another 15 minutes trying to unlock the goddamn door. Turns out the key is a bit tricky. My pants is on fire. Even my underwear is on fire! After some kicking and cursing, the door open. Lord, protect me from this place. Im damn scared.

My last day at maros

Today is the last day. The nurses is all like, come on doc, photo dulu. I felt like an artist.:b. then, my senior doctor ask the chief to come to her room, so i went, i thought, damnnn, did i do something wrong. Turns out she wanted to give two box of brownies to me, choclate and blueberry. Yummy. Tq doc for the food. Then my colleugue invited me to go eat something called bakso setan. What a sensational piece. Wow, what a journey in hospital maros. Apart that i found strange experiences, i found friendship and new great foods.:)

A new beginning

To tell the truth, im always scared of being left alone, and i doesnt mean methaporically, i mean literally. I am always afraid of sleeping alone, eating alone and there are times i'm afraid going to the bathroom alone. There is always somebody that needs to be at my side. Its just before this i cant bear the feeling of loneliness and dependant. Im tired of people squawking how inmature i am, because u know what, u r not perfect yourself so stop highlighting my flaws.
When I first entered obgyn alone without my usual friends, i feel scared. I thought at that moment Im going to die but im not sure of what. Im not sure of everything. But life has to go on right. Alhamdulillah, thankful to him, i realize how strong and independant i am. I now trust my own decision, and when being strong is the only option u have, u realize how potential u are. The only person u can trust is yourself and patience is your best friends.
Its quite a journey what i finds alone, i've met so many great people which i found friendship in them. Some of them open my eyes to the reality of life. Life is just not sugar and candy anymore, its bitter and sorrow, but thats what makes life an adventure.
I met someone so nice, so patience, and really considerate. Watching her, made me want to be a good person too. I knew i made lots of mistakes in the past, and knowing that a lot is judging, and i understand. I dont blame them. All of us are humans. From this day onwards, i want to be a good person, a good islam. I finally found my peace and calm. Its true what they said, the closer u are to allah, the more happiness u felt. But what i wont change is, i'll still act like a kid, fact is i love the way i am, because that is what i am. Doesnt mean i have to grow up to be a good person. Everyone has a kid inside them, except i decide to embrace it.